SELF-LOVE WITH FEMCITY LEADER HAILY PATRY
HAILEY PATRY
FemCity Oakville Leader
What is the biggest misnomer on Self-Love?
The oxford definition of mis·no·mer /misˈnōmər/....
Noun: misnomer; a wrong or inaccurate name, designation or use of a term.
So a misnomer on self-love for many women, is labelling our self care and self maintenance activities as self-love.
For example, if I already eat healthy and exercise, this has graduated from self-love, to self maintenance, like oil changes for a car and filling the gas tank. It’s just what I do. So now, I crave a juicier version of self-love, like restorative activities, pure down time, vacation days, saying yes to myself, nights away, listening to my body, honouring my needs and being proactive about my well being. This includes using all the services available to love my inner and outer self, such as massage, chiropractic care, working with coaches and mentors, etc.
Another misnomer is the mistaken idea that self-love only has time in our lives when we finish doing everything else for everyone else first.
Ladies, we must put ourselves first. Whether that takes place at 5 or 6am for you, as it does for me, or the time you prefer.... you need and deserve time to love and honour your fabulous self, and it is quite the opposite of selfish.... it is the best thing you can do for those you love and those who depend on you.... create the very best and most loved version of YOU and then share HER with the world around you.
What was the biggest struggle for you when it came to your own Self-Love feelings, thoughts and internal conversations?
Deciding I was more than just worth it, but my whole world would actually fall apart if I did not start loving myself in a massive way. And all the time I gave myself away to everyone and everything else.... I was actually hurting those I loved most, because without me, they would never be the same.
The biggest struggle for prioritizing my self-love relationship, has been over the past 6 years. When I was pregnant with my middle son, my husband lost his job and career. I was planning to be a stay-at-home mom this time, since that opportunity was lost in my first marriage with my first son. This time was going to be my mommy-moon and the child birth experience I had been dreaming of.
That dream turned into a nightmare when my husband had an emotional infidelity and lost his job at the same time. We decided that he would stay home and raise the baby and I would support the 4 of us.... which 18 months later became 5 of us as we welcomed our 3rd son.
Balancing the pressure of all the family’s finances, working to heal our marriage, breast feeding and pumping for both of our babies and starting a brand new business.... certainly took a toll on my disposable time.
I was not taking care of myself and my health was failing. I nearly died from toxic shock syndrome, I was dealing with adrenal fatigue, breast lumps, and some neurological challenges that had me forgetting my words, unable to spell and messing up my speech. Lol.... serious problems for a professional speaker and author. The bone condition in my knee had me in and out of my wheelchair more than ever before and yet... I was not willing to slow my pace.
I let the pressure of the finances extend the length of my days and I was not claiming time for my health or time for myself.
Well enough was enough!
I made a promise to myself and to my family.... to take care of me so that I could then, continue to take care of them.
Now, I orient my schedule in this order:
1. Self time
2. Heart time (date night, our alone time without kids)
3. Joy time - time with my family
4. Revenue generating time
5. Business admin time
6. White space - which goes to whatever I choose, and may be cooking, errands or pure down time
This lesson saved my life. If I would have continued to go at my old pace and putting myself last, I would not still be here today to write this message. So ladies.... it is never too soon to start loving yourself. Schedule YOU into your calendar and the world gets better :-)
How do you practice Self-Love?
I first make sure that I am practicing self-care. I am committed to a state of happiness so I honour my mental, emotional and physical well-being. I listen to my body and work both proactively to maintain my state of mind, heart and body, but I also act swiftly when any part of me needs a tweak, professional help or some TLC.
I advocate for myself, I maintain a high vibration and make decisions that honour my energy. I stay in alignment with my priorities which include my self, my marriage, my family, my work and my contribution.
In terms of self-love, I plan regular travel for my husband and I, both with and without the kids. I spend my mornings intentionally, and I open and close my days in a beautiful way. I reward myself for the progress I make and I only say kind things to myself.
I take everything I can to the next level of wonderful. For example, instead of a rushed shower, I take a hot bath with epsom salt, a huge chunk of rose quartz comes in the tub with me, and I do my affirmations while in the tub, holding the rose quartz (love stone) over each of my chakras.
I put the most amazing food in my body and allow myself the time to prepare it.
When I have admin time chunks blocked into my day, I make them feel serene instead of boring. Huge fluffy cozy socks, baroque music or spa music in the background, wild orange oil in my diffuser, the best cup of herbal tea or organic coffee with cinnamon by my side. The area I work in is clean and easy on my eyes, my body is comfortable as I work from my reclining chair. I honour all my senses and decide that I am worth this 5 minute set up before starting 4 hours of admin/computer work.
It’s those little things, choosing to make a situation special, comfortable, joyful or loving... that make me feel like I am loving myself. Just like being romantic and loving to a spouse, I am romantic to me.... I do those sweet little things for myself to make my day brighter.
I say NO or YES easily and choose powerfully what I give my time to.
I also practice a zero-fester policy. If something is bugging me I handle it right away, at the very first appropriate moment. I don’t let myself stew, suffer or wait for the world to go my way. I make my world and I take ownership for everything in my life. Therefore I hold the power to shift it anytime I choose.
That is the ultimate self love for me: trusting myself, empowering myself, being good to myself, and then taking my massive, full and overflowing cup and sharing it with those I love and those who deserve some extra love in their cups such as my clients, and my community.
“If you pour more into YOU, there will be more of you to share with the world”