SELF-LOVE WITH FEMCITY LEADER AMY MATOS
AMY MATOS
FemCity Nashua Leader
What is the biggest misnomer on Self-Love?
For me, the biggest myth about self-love is that it's something that comes easily or naturally to everyone. I've found that it is a habit and skill you have to practice like anything else.
My journey with self-love has been the exact opposite of easy. It has been damn hard actually and is very much a work-in-progress.
What was the biggest struggle for you when it came to your own Self-Love feelings, thoughts and internal conversations?
If I'm being brutally honest, I have been downright mean to myself for longer than I care to admit. Like most recovering perfectionists, I was always driven by achievement. For basically my entire life, I had completely unrealistic expectations for myself in all areas of life.
I would shoot for the moon. And instead of being happy to land among the stars, I would completely tear myself apart for any perceived "failure." Whether it was school, business, relationships, parenting, my health, my weight... you name it... I would never see the 99 things I did right, just the 1 I did wrong.
My nasty inner critic became so loud, that eventually others heard from her as well.
Fortunately, I made an incredible friend at a FemCity event. One night we went to a yoga class and my friend caught my no-longer-inner critic talking about how awful I was at yoga. She reminded me to be kinder to myself, to celebrate the fact that I showed up to class, and asked me how I would feel if I heard my daughter speak to herself that way.
It took my breath away. Literally, it felt like someone punched me in the gut and I could barely fight off the tears.
But I knew she was right. And though I wish the desire to be kinder from myself started within me, I'm grateful I had a friend and a daughter to help me figure it out.
How do you practice Self-Love?
In terms of the actual things I do -- I started working with a fitness trainer, I block "me" time on my calendar, I surround myself with people who accept, encourage, and support me.
I do things that make me feel good - like binge watch Harry Potter movies - because sometimes that's what my soul needs. I started a gratitude journal where I also write down what I'm winning at.
I try to talk openly about the fact that self-love, self-care, and self-acceptance are not always easy for me. Because people need to see the hard stuff too.
And most importantly, thanks to some help from a therapist, I practice thought stopping techniques so when I catch myself being nasty to myself... I can stop and redirect those thoughts that are not serving me.
It's not always perfect, but I'm not striving for perfect anymore. The beautiful thing though, is that I've accepted the fact that I am a work-in-progress. So for me, that is largely the greatest act of self-love of all.