It's a Good Day to Die // Life Lessons from Michelle Butt

It’s been three years to the day since my ex-husband died in a plane crash. Every year when this day rolls around, I am filled with a new set of emotions spawn from unforeseen memories that come to the surface.

Today is no different. As I sit here before all those whom I love in my world wake up, and prepare to face this day, prepare to hold space for my children, his widow, her children, and all those who were touched by his presence and his death, I am reminded of something he always used to say. And I am struck by the understanding I have now that I didn’t whenever he used to say it.

Shehbaz was many things, but I’d say the best way to describe him was an “adventurer.” If you saw his face, you would see that he is Sage mystery and stubborn, stubborn tenacity and Royal idealism and cool control all wrapped into one simple yet very, very complicated human being.

His saying may seem weird to you especially because it will most likely be out of context, but I’m going to share it anyway. Whenever he would set out on a new “adventure” – big like a mountain climb or small like a winter camping trip or a flight in his plane or even a challenging day ahead at work, he would say: “It’s a good day to die.”

When we were together and my children were young, I used to get so mad at him for saying this. It would invoke fear, anger, betrayal, the thought of the grief of losing him and every other negative emotion I could muster.

But, then he would tell me the story and remind me why he said that. It was his mantra in a way – as crazy as that may seem. You see, he had a horrific childhood. His father was an extremely abusive man and Shehbaz grew up in an impoverished home filled with tremendous fear, volatility, and violence. At first, he used to say, “it’s a good day to die,” because as a kid, when you are experiencing that kind of terror if you died then it would be good – the horror would be over. I got that.

Then, he started to use his mantra as a kind of righteous indignation. As a Royal, he could see the whole thing. He could see the life that was possible for him, and he would map out every detail in his head. As a Sage, his imagination knew no bounds and that kid in that little, roach infested apartment, dreamed his way to Everest and an MD every single day that he didn’t die.

So, the mantra became the triumph. As he grew up and escaped that childhood, and he began to do all the things he dreamed of doing, he kept saying “it’s a good day to die,” but what he meant instead of: if I die today, it will be good because I won’t have to suffer through this anymore, was: if I die today, it will ok because I am doing all the things I dreamt of as a kid. If I die today, then I die knowing I’ve built a life around making my dreams come true rather than being afraid to live.

When I woke up this morning, I heard him whisper “it’s a good day to die,” in my ear and I truly knew what he meant. I’m sharing this gift of his with you today because I think he would want us all to live this way. What isn’t better than turning pessimistic, fear driven defiance into triumphant, ready for anything, gratitude?

I’ll say it again, Shehbaz was a lot of things. As I remember him, I do my best to remember the great things about him for my kids, for you and for myself. He was also my ex-husband for as many reasons as he became my husband. You can’t go through that kind of childhood and come out unscathed and not create some damage along the way. I am not here to make a saint out of him, but we all can learn something beautiful from this truly unique man.

Here’s the thing that I was reminded of when I woke up with that whisper today. We all have to know when it’s a good day to die and if you can’t say that with triumphant, ready for anything gratitude today, then you are not living your fullest life. You are letting something, someone or some idea of your circumstances hold you back from Saging and Royaling the heck out of your life. The same energetic patterns that pulled a shy, battered boy out of hell and put him on top of mountains can be accessed by you.

Too many of us spend so much time focusing on our excuses and limitations. What if instead, you focused on backing up your dreams with action and being limitless? What if you said yes to your dreams today instead of tomorrow or the next day? What if you stopped waiting for the right time and made today the right day? What if you decided to look at all of who you are and express that person so fully, nothing could stop you from creating that life that you want?

What if today’s whisper is your wakeup call?

Michelle Butt // FemCity Global Member and Contributor